


Must I Hide? ('Cause I'll Never Sleep Alone)

by 7Threes



Series: Red Oceans and Black Skies [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Foreplay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-17 15:18:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11854293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7Threes/pseuds/7Threes
Summary: Drunk off his rocker because he wanted to forget, Kaneki is a mess.





	1. Freeze Without An Answer

Hide earlier had offered to come by Kaneki's to drop off some notes from a class Kaneki had missed because of days in the hospital, after that  _incident_ with the painkillers. Kaneki was recommended to go to Alcoholics Anonymous because of this, even to get a sponsor, but he didn't. Hide knew something was off.

Like when he knocked on the door and there was no answer.

Sure, Kaneki went to rehab and did all the steps and whatever, but he couldn't get past the 'higher power' stuff they always would talk about. So, Kaneki stopped rehab after a few months. Because of this, Hide was beyond certain that Kaneki had relapsed.

"Oi, Kaneki! Open up!"

Hide shouted, banging on the door.

After a delay, he heard a slurred response from Kaneki.

"Ohyeah... Lemme get 'th door..."

Hide could practically hear how Kaneki swayed from being drunk, most likely. Either that, or Kaneki was really fucking tired (because Hide knew how horrendous Kaneki was when he was tired).

(Not so subtle wink wonk.)

Finally, Kaneki mustered the strength to undo the lock and open the door, swaying, gripping on the knob to keep balance as he let Hide in.

"Kaneki, are you drunk?"

Hide asked the obvious.

Kaneki stiffened for a moment, then sighed, covering his face.

"...Yes."

"I told you to sober up, Kaneki. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

Hide asked.

"Because... I don't know... I think I can handle it because I feel better than everyone there, but I guess I'm not. I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"

Kaneki muttered in his own disappointment.

"No, Kaneki. You aren't terrible. You just need to understand that you can't control this _alone_. You need help."

Hide responded.

"Here... I don't want to stand forever. Let's sit down."

Kaneki reasoned, probably because his vision was too distorted to stand properly. At least he had that much rational thought left inside him.

Hide ~~held~~ _followed_ Kaneki into his room, where Hide sat at Kaneki's desk where Kaneki sat atop his bed.

"Why don't you get help from AA? Get a sponsor, just do something to get help."

Hide urged.

"I don't... I didn't want to be seen so vulnerable in front of so many people."

Kaneki admitted, rubbing his sore eyes just beneath his white locks.

"That's perfectly fine, Kaneki. It's alright to be afraid. My only question is why didn't you ask for my help?"

Hide questioned.

There was a pause. It seemed as if Kaneki wasn't ridiculously drunk like he anticipated, something else was going on entirely.

"Have you been eating?"

Kaneki immediately answered.

"No."

"Something really is wrong if you aren't trying to lie with me. Is there a reason why that you think I'd agree with this?"

Hide was truthfully concerned.

"I just wanted you to see how much it hurt, what you said in the ambulance."

Kaneki muttered, looking down at his hands, boney, nails blackened with the constant abuse.

"How did I hurt you?"

Hide asked, confused.

"You didn't... You..."

Kaneki couldn't push it out from behind his stained lips. He felt himself curl over, breathing heavy as he began to let tears fall from his eyes.

Hide, shocked, immediately went into action, not thinking of repercussions. He hugged Kaneki tight, pushing between the barrier of Kaneki's hands.

Trying to comfort him, Hide rubbed his back and hummed to Kaneki.

"It's fine. Tell me what you want to say."

There was a silence that all but breathing and heartbeat took over, their ears filling with the sound until words broke from Kaneki's mouth in his thought-to-be-controlled drunken stupor.

"Hide, I love you."

Hide's heart skipped a beat as he felt Kaneki's warm breath on his ear, shivering slightly until he felt he was being moved under his white-haired 'friend', pinned by seemingly bony hands.

"K- Kaneki, wait-! Hold up-?!"

Hide ran his mouth and stuttered as Kaneki inched closer to his face, while Hide was keenly aware of the knee that dug up in between his legs.

 _Oh_...

"I'm sorry, Hide."

Kaneki simply said before he quickly smashed his lips to Hide's, uncontrolled.

Hide tried to squirm from under Kaneki, to no avail. He was incapable of struggling against Kaneki's strong arms, built during his rehab. Hide wanted so bad to tell Kaneki to stop, to get sober, to stay sober, so they could be happier together instead of this sad and depressing story that kept repeating itself.

Tears pricked from behind Hide's eyes, begging to be let loose as his oxygen was cut off and as he couldn't stop moaning into Kaneki's mouth when hands snuck up from the bottom of his shirt, touching all sorts of sensitive places that got him aroused.

  _I need to be in control..._

 _But I can't when he's got me like_ this...

Finally, Kaneki came off Hide's lips, and paused this... _whatever it was_... and stared at Hide's tears.

Finally, Hide could speak, only if faintly.

"Kaneki. Do you really want this? To be sad and drunk and out of control? Do you?"

Anger spread to Kaneki's shot eyes, dilated from the booze.

"I _am_ in control! _See?_ "

Kaneki roughly dug his knee into Hide's groin and elicited a loud moan from Hide, which he quickly stole with his mouth, sucking up the vibrations.

At this point, Hide couldn't handle it anymore. With half-lidded eyes, his tears finally released only for Kaneki to lick them up, go down to his neck, kissing, biting, and sucking, leaving marks on sensitive skin, earning several grunts and groans from Hide. All while Kaneki pinched and twisted a nipple with his fingers and another hand trailed down to the hem of Hide's pants.

Kaneki stopped for a moment, looking at Hide. Mood swing evident on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Hide."

There were tears.

"If you're really sorry... You would have stopped."

Hide mumbled.

"I guess that makes me a terrible friend."

Kaneki responded.

"Are we even friends anymore?"

Hide questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... Well, just look at us."

"Oh, I guess it's pretty odd."

"You _guess_?"

Hide snorted, leaning up to touch Kaneki's pale face.

"You're more drunk than I thought, but I guess I could have gathered that from the spontaneous foreplay."

"Oh."

Kaneki bluntly stated.

"I'm still sorry about this... I'm sorry about everything. I promise I'll get sober. This isn't me, this won't happen again."

Kaneki tried pulling away from Hide, who instead held him tightly, gentle and easy smile on his face. How Hide was always the sun.

"Don't run away, Kaneki. I wanted to tell you in the ambulance, but I was too scared at the time, but..."

Kaneki cocked his head in confusion, while Hide closed their distance and gave Kaneki a sweet and sobering kiss.

"I love you, too."

_Oh..._

All of the pieces fit together, like why Hide wasn't enthusiastic about Kaneki getting a girlfriend, cautioned about the company that was kept.

"That's why I want to see you sober, Kaneki."

Then, everything was clear.

"Now, will you help me get rid of this hard-on, you dork?"


	2. Free From All The Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Forgot to mention)
> 
> Inspired by the single;  
> The Widow  
> The Mars Volta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started to learn how to use HTML so I don't have to use rich text.  
> As a side note, this is my first actual smut. I planned on having this story last 2 parts but if you want more you can always comment.

Kaneki made a dark and hearty laugh, because somehow both sounds arose at the same time.

"What's so funny? Do you think I'm _small_?"

Hide narrowed his eyes, watching as the sides of Kaneki's eyes crinkled in that way he always loved to see. He loved it when Kaneki was genuine, not this artificial thing he'd become.

Still though, Hide couldn't tell if Kaneki was laughing at him or at the comment, which made Hide a bit awfully self-conscious.

Finally, Kaneki wiped the tears from his hysterical eyes, and sniffled out the rest of his giggles as he hugged Hide _so tight_ , it was almost suffocating.

Thank goodness it wasn't _literally_ killing him, just imagine how heartbroken Kaneki would be.

(lol)

"Kaneki, you know..."

Hide muttered into Kaneki's cold shoulder, most likely that way from the alcohol in his system.

"Mmh?"

Kaneki hummed back, comfortable in Hide's close warmth, his enveloping smell, his voice, _his_ Hide.

He wanted to savor this moment _forever_.

"In the ambulance, I wanted to say _'I love you'_ more than anything else in the whole wide world."

Hide continued, hugging Kaneki back almost as tightly as Kaneki embraced him. They were both each other's lifelines. It was of utmost vitality that they had each other.

"Why didn't you?"

Kaneki muttered into Hide's sweet-scented skin like honey and lavender and everything nice and sweet in the world was embedded under sunshine-trapping wraps of fairly tanned skin.

Hide hesitated, showing visible discomfort with where his thoughts were traveling to, horrible and dark things he had a duty to forget for the sake of Kaneki, for the sake of a future not plagued by past that he feared so much. That was how wars started, and while he doubted tension between Kaneki and himself would get _that_ far, he still cared that no-one was pained.

"I think... I think it's because I was _scared_ of losing you. Because I didn't really know if you were sincere. Because I was afraid you were seeing someone other than _me_ sitting next to you in that ambulance."

Hide had bit his lip as he said it, Kaneki knew just from the feeling of Hide resting his face into his torso.

Kaneki looked down to the head of dyed hair golden like the sun, to Hide.

"Hide, I thought you were very attentive."

A laugh escaped bitter lips.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

Hide looked up to Kaneki's smirking face, _extremely_ confused being an understatement.

Further laughing.

"I've been pining for _years_ over you. I thought it was so unbelievably obvious."

"Shit, really?"

"Hell yeah."

Hide squinted his eyes in skepticism.

"Then what was the whole Rize thing about?"

Kaneki noticeably flinched at the reminder of where his addiction all really started from. It made him cringe just to remember, so he didn't try to; usually.

"That was a bit..."

"A bit _what_?"

Hide smirked, thinking he had caught Kaneki in a lie.

"It was a bit different than you'd think."

He was wrong.

"How so?"

Hide pressed forward, smirk turning into a frown with his brows furrowed.

"I... I figured you knew about me and weren't interested."

Kaneki mumbled and wallowed.

"Hell no."

Hide brightened his face a bit. It was already blinding, so why must he be so damn _bright_?

"I was too damn focused on not getting murdered that month. Remember that serial killer going around?"

"Oh shit, you're right."

"Yeah I am."

Hide put his face up closer to Kaneki's, if that even was possible.

"But damn if I ain't _hard_ for you right now."

Kaneki almost choked, as if he was actually sobering up. Maybe he hadn't been too deep in his relapse that he was out of his mind.

"I thought you would like to do this while I was sober."

Kaneki frowned.

"Why do I feel like you're _too_ good for me?"

Hide chuckled before wearing an uncharacteristic serious face.

"Look, Kaneki. Don't think you're being forced into this either. It's your decision, okay?"

"I know, that's why I'm gonna say _you're_ too good for _me_."

"Then are we too good for each other?"

Hide joked.

"Jesus, I hope not."

Kaneki replied, touching his nose to Hide's.

"I still feel drunk, but I want to make a promise to you if you make a promise to me before we do this."

"And what promise will that be?"

"I promise I'll get sober... If you can go to some AA meetings with me."

Kaneki was dead serious.

Hide smiled.

" _Anything_ for you."

"My teeth may just rot from how sweet you're being, Hide."

"Then just don't bite into me."

"I won't make _that_ promise."

They both shared a laugh, and Kaneki kissed Hide softly, embracing him impossibly tighter than ever before. It was hard to resist sweet things.

Kaneki then tugged at Hide's shirt loosely, asking for permission to lift the hindering clothing. Plus, Kaneki could tell Hide kinda reallywantedto _touchhisabs_.

" _Damn_ , Kaneki. Why are you so _ripped_?"

Hide groaned as Kaneki ghosted over his not-so-impressive torso.

"Rehab."

Kaneki said before pressing their lips together again, breaking apart only moments later.

"There was a lot of exercising."

His breath brushed Hide's lips. Everything was so _hot_ , and they just were getting started. Hide wished he was so well toned like Kaneki was, he didn't like to burden Kaneki so damn much, he wanted to be the one topping. That's how he always imagined it, and basically anything involving Kaneki and Hide alone made him think back to it. It was very difficult to keep his feeling under wraps around Kaneki, and all that he built was slowly coming unraveled by simple light touches and it was very _embarrassing_ to Hide.

Then, when caught in thought, Kaneki abruptly stopped as he noticed Hide was being less responsive.

"Is something wrong? I-I'll stop if you want."

He stuttered.

_'He's too damn good for me, dammit.'_

"No. Let's just hurry up and get out of these clothes..."

"Yeah, I was beginning to feel very hot _because of you."_

'Shit, why does Kaneki have to say that?'

Hide blushed lightly, cheeks bright and red with the embarrassment.

Kaneki looked at him lovingly the whole time he undid Hide's belt for him, like Hide couldn't do it for himself. Kaneki was still a nice person, addict or not,

"I wonder if there's a rehab for people addicted to _staring_."

Kaneki joked to himself, reaching for his own belt before Hide grabbed his wrist and insisted on doing it himself.

"Hide-"

" _Shh_... You know I hate to see you doing all the work."

With that, Kaneki shut his mouth due to being flustered from Hide's words. What made it worse is that Hide stared up at him the whole time he said it, then wiggled his eyebrows like a kid. It was just so... So... So _Hide_ , that it made Kaneki's chest well up with warmth.

Hide then slides down Kaneki's pants and... Plaid boxers (an odd choice in Hide's opinion)... and stared at Kaneki's throbbing predicament between his legs.

"Geez Kaneki, just how lonely are you?"

Hide teased.

"Shut up!"

"I don't even know how it's going to fit anywhere."

" _Hide_!"

Kaneki hissed, curling a little into himself.

"I mean, you've really out _done_ yourself."

"Stop!"

Kaneki objected, covering himself up in embarrassment and shame.

"I'm... I'm gonna take a cold shower..."

Kaneki said, standing up to walk away just before Hide caught his wrist and pulled him back. Actually, it was more like Kaneki tripped on the boxers still scrunched around his feet, but still.

"Kaneki... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you by saying that."

Hide whispered before standing up beside Kaneki. They were both mostly naked, it looked like an odd renaissance painting if the renaissance included Asia. More than likely in that time period, there was some stupid closed country shit going on, or a bunch of wars, or something stupid.

"No... Hide, _I'm_ sorry. I don't think I want to do this while I'm... probably not going to be able to remember."

"Kaneki..."

Hide had moved his hand to Kaneki's shoulder.

"If You don't think you'll remember..."

His voice got deeper, it was a whole lot more tense than before.

"Then I might just have to make it a night you'll _have_ to remember."

"Hide, what do you mean?"

"You've already done enough. I just want you to feel good."

Hide explained.

"You want to top?"

Kaneki clarified.

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"Wait... What?"

"Did you seriously take me for a top?"

"Uh..."

Hide coughed.

"Well... I mean, I thought you would like to be."

"Hide, what the fuck?"

"You're _ripped_!"

"You know what you're doing!"

A long pause.

"Wait."

Hide just began to process it.

"Then why were you topping this whole time?"

"Because you didn't seem to really want to top."

"Dude, you started topping me."

"I was drunk."

"You're _still_ drunk."

"True..."

Another pause.

"You know what? Just fuck it. More like just fuck me."

Kaneki said.

Hide choked.

"I didn't expect you to be begging this soon."

"Shut up."

"Not before I suck off that goliath between your legs."

Kaneki sputtered.

" _Goliath_?"

"Well, it's bigger than _mine_."

"I thought you were insecure about that...?"

"Insecure my ass."

"Uh..."

' _More like_ my _ass_...' Kaneki thought.

"We kinda fucked up the mood, didn't we?"

"Not as long as we're still hard over each other."

"Good point."

All of the sudden, Hide seemed very close to his lips.

"Did you mean 'good _tip_ '?"

Hide joked.

They both laughed in each other's faces until Hide eagerly pressed his lips to Kaneki's, feverishly craving inside of his mouth, poking inside the cavern with his tongue as he brought both of their members together and lightly began pumping them. They moaned in each other's mouths, craving for more of that devouring feeling of pleasure. They parted their lips, Kaneki was dazed and panting with half-lidded eyes and slight flush to his cheeks.

Hide then began to trail down Kaneki's prominent abdominals, lightly scraping with his fingernails against his chest all the way down until he was met with the _Goliath_ , as he called it.

He bit his lip, nervous if he could even take in something of that magnitude. Hide hadn't ever given a blow job, he just knew you had to suck dick and well, Hide sucked at a lot so how difficult would be sucking dick?

Well, it's a lot different.

He started by kissing the underside of the top, lightly holding the base as Kaneki curled his fingers and toes into the bedsheets and let out a little moan.

" _Hide_."

And that sound went right down south for Hide.

He started to lick the underside, Kaneki bucking his hips up in want despite his best efforts. Was Kaneki really that sensitive? Or was he that turned on by Hide.

Then he rubbed his bottom lip up the shaft until the tip, where he tried his best to fully envelop Kaneki's member, but it simply was too big for an inexperienced Hide. Nonetheless, he pressed up as far as he could without gagging, and swirling his tongue around. He hummed around the member to stop his sensitivity to the pressing at the back of his throat.

Kaneki then without warning bucked his hips up, causing Hide to gag.

"Oh, _shit_ \- I'm so sorry-"

Hide's not going to kill the mood _again_. So, he continues sucking, but holds a tight grip on Kaneki's hips.

More moans escaped his lips, calling out to hide as his eyes scrunched closed in ecstasy. Kaneki tried his hardest to keep looking down at Hide, which _really_ turned him on, but it felt too damn good to even try to form coherent thoughts, let alone commands to his body.

He was drowning in pleasure and heat and Hide, it all felt spinning around his head like a high better than any narcotic.

As long as he could get _more_ of this, he'd give up _anything_. Everything in the whole world except for _his_ Hide.

A heat pooled down in his stomach among the pressure and pleasure, and Kaneki knew he was close, he had to warn Hide.

" _Hide, Hide- fuck- Hide_ -"

He couldn't fully vocalize it until it was too late. He had came in Hide's mouth, and as Kaneki felt dread arise in his stomach, Hide just looked up at him and wiped off the extra cum on his lips.

"You fucking _swallowed_?"

"I said I'd do anything for you. Plus, you didn't even get to bite me. I'm a bit disappointed."

"There's always next time."

Kaneki smiled.

"Haha, yeah. Definitely always next time."

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for part 2. Or 3 I guess?


End file.
